2. Life is too short to judge others……….

By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”

Today when I look back, I see myself to be a girl who kept on judging others by their lifestyle, by the way they talk, and they take decisions, the way they present themselves in the society and so on. But, later I realized that outward appearance is deceptive sometimes.

I realized this when I met a beggar outside a church speaking very fluent English, I realized this, when I heard a homosexual singing “Humein tumse pyaar kitna yeh hum nahi jaante, magar jee nahi sakte tumhare bina” in a train which actually had got goosebumps on my hand, who knew that this astonishing personality is also a BA graduate. Surprising! And there I realized that life and people are much more beyond what we see.

I used to think I had strong opinions; I was decisive, and able to “evaluate” others. But I failed when I realized that it’s not always true what we see, as I believe, every person has a dual personality; One, which the world looks at you and the other which only we know what we are all about. I thought I “got” people, I knew people but actually, I dint.

I felt that I understood them, their motivations, and the reason behind what they did and why they did. I felt that I was highly skilled in defining people, but no, I was not. I had become someone who would land up to an opinion just by observing them. Infact, I didn’t leave much room for changing those opinions either and then I started deciding that that’s what a person is according to me.

But, with the benefit of time and hindsight, I realized that there is much more to life and there is much more to people beyond what it actually seems to be. It can be so easy to look at someone else’s life and quickly dissect all that they are doing wrong or at least could be doing better.

Life seems to be a simple but a never ending puzzle, a puzzle which can never be solved, how much we may try. Acceptance is a key to lead a positive life. Who are we to judge someone else’s life? There is no clearer definition of where we are in our personal journey than how can we judge someone else….

Here are some tools I used to transform the judgments that you may find helpful.

1. Use a pattern interrupt.

When you catch yourself having a defining thought about someone, step back and ask, “What do I really know about this person?”

Often, the answer is a version of “not very much.” This behavior acts as a pattern interrupt and forces you to stop and consider where the judgment is coming from.

2. Switch to praise.

When you hear yourself criticizing someone to others, stop and take a moment to come up with one thing you like about that person. Then praise them, out loud, for that quality.

This is another version of a pattern interrupt, and is also a reminder that they too are human, and like us all, have both attractive and not-so-attractive qualities.

3. Look within.

When you find yourself in one of those incessant loop thought patterns of judgment about someone else’s behaviors, ask the hard question: Do I myself exhibit this same behavior or attitude that I judge in this person? Almost always, the answer is yes (not that one always comes to that yes easily). You probably already know that the stuff that irritates us the most about others tends to be attributes we don’t necessarily realize we ourselves have. This was the single most difficult tool I used. It was also probably the most effective.

Today in my life I have massively reduced my judgmental behavior towards others and myself. I still consider that it’s an ongoing journey, which helps me in recognizing any rogue criticisms pretty quickly. Most importantly, I have a completely different perspective towards other people than I used to. Also, perceptions vary from person to person.

For us to judge other, we’d have to know everything about that person, their complete personality, their personal history, their belief systems, their culture, their religion, their family background, and all their past experiences.

Let’s pretend, for a moment, that we could possibly know all of this about another person. At that point, since we would see that person in their totality and we would see that all the decisions that person makes, and all the experiences they are creating, are theirs to make and create as they see fit, to support their lovely, complex, ever-changing growth process there’d be nothing to judge.

So since we can’t possibly know all those things about others, let’s just skip right up to the “nothing to judge” part, okay?

It’s a deal. Because When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself… because our judgment of others is an extension of self-judgment; and the self-judgment is so ingrained, so normal, we don’t even recognize it.

So, live your lives to the fullest because life is too short to judge others………

                                                

                                                Ms. Prajaktta R.Parab